Devil's Tears
by Cheated Heart
Summary: Ever since Ali, Spencer had learned to keep her deepest darkest secrets pretty well hidden. Her feelings for Emily had been there since the moment she met her, but throughout the years she tried her best to fight them. So what happens when she finally snaps at the worst possible moment? Will Spencer and Emily ever be able to work things out? Spemily fic, rated M for later chapters!
1. Chapter 1

"Emily?" Spencer called over the sound of drizzling rain, stopping the rapid tapping of her palm against the cold glass of the door. She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to the glass to try to see inside of the Fields' kitchen for signs of her friend.

"Emily, come on, I know you're home."

The lights may have been off in the house, but Emily's car was in the drive way and Spencer knew for a fact that today, of all days, Emily would definitely be home.

"If you're not going to answer the door, I'm just going to let myself in," Spencer sighed, bending over to retrieve the spare key from under the welcome mat.

She let herself in, slipping her muddy shoes off and closing the door behind her. Silently, she made her way through the kitchen and to the stairs. As she approached Emily's bedroom a loud thud broke through the calm silence of the house. Spencer jumped slightly and picked up her pace.

"Emily, are you okay?" She called out gently, her hand reaching for Emily's door and she pushing it open hesitantly.

"Damn it," a groan came from the opposite side of the room.

Spencer flipped the lights on, squinting as she adjusted to the brightness and turned her head to where the voice came from.

She was met with the sight of Emily, a crumpled mess on the floor, hair tangled and uncombed, eyes rimmed red with tear streaks under them, and a trembling hand cradling her other, with droplets of red trickling down onto the carpet.

"What did you do to your hand, Em?" Spencer questioned as she made her way to the other girl and knelt down beside her.

"I told everyone I wanted to be alone tonight," Emily stated, wincing slightly as Spencer took her injured hand in her own to examine the bloody gash that marred her palm.

"Answer the question."

Emily bit her bottom lip, her eyes falling to the floor as her eyebrows knit together, an action Spencer knew all too well as a telltale sign that Emily felt embarrassed. Emily mentally debated with herself. Part of her couldn't find the words to say without sounding foolish, which made guilt rack her mind, but another part of her felt like she didn't have to explain, Spencer was intruding on her and that frustrated her. Guilt overweighed the frustration though.

"I broke a glass," Emily whispered, her head still hung low as she spoke.

"And why did you do that?" Spencer continued to question as she led Emily to the bathroom, flipping the lights on as they entered and motioning for her to stand beside her by the sink so she could clean her friend's wound.

"I don't know… I just didn't realize I was squeezing the glass so hard and it just shattered."

"Had you been drinking?" Spencer asked as she leaned over the sink to rummage through their medicine cabinet for bandages.

Emily dropped her gaze to the floor yet again and Spencer didn't need a verbal reply to know that the answer was yes. Spencer didn't speak either; she nodded slightly as her hands busied themselves with carefully wrapping Emily's injury with gauze.

She couldn't say she was surprised by this because, in all honesty, this was exactly what she expected to find when she made her way to the Fields' house. She shook her head as she thought to herself of how foolish everyone around her was. She knew that Emily could put on a convincing brave face, but she had hoped that at least her family could see through that mask. Obviously she was wrong, or her mother would be here instead of in Texas, having some alone time with her husband, today of all days.

Today was a dreaded day for Emily. Spencer could see the anxiety in her friend's eyes as this date approached. The smile Emily forced upon her face may have fooled her friends, but each day Spencer could see straight through it, she could see the veiled depression, the fear, and the heart break. Spencer tried to understand why her friends couldn't see it too, hadn't they known Emily just as long as she had? Maybe she only recognized these signs because of who she is: A person who knows them all too well.

"I'm sorry," Emily whimpered, finally breaking the silence once again as Spencer had finished tending to her hand.

"I understand," Spencer gave her a sympathetic smile as Emily finally looked up to meet her friends gaze.

"You do?"

"Yes."

Spencer really did. Her feelings may not be as intense and fresh as the wounds Emily was working through, but they were similar. Emily's mask might have been convincing, but hers was better, hers made her emotions undetectable to those around her. She had been used to her heartache; she had been hiding it for what felt like a life time, Emily on the other hand, hers' were new. A pain recently introduced to Emily was one Spencer has lived with since before Ali's death. It had been there since she met Emily.

So it has been four years. Maybe that's not a life time, but to love someone and never speak of it for that long seems to feel like a life time. Spencer had recognized her feelings for Emily soon after they had become friends, and almost immediately after that she recognized those same feelings in Emily's eyes as she looked at Ali. That's when she decided to hide them. At first she had convinced herself that it was due to timing. First Emily loves Ali, then Maya, then Paige, and Maya again and then after her death Spencer knew she couldn't be so selfish as to push her feelings onto Emily when she hurt so much then, but then came Paige. _Again._ And now Spencer knew that it wasn't timing she worried over, it was rejection.

It was inevitable. If Emily had feelings for Spencer, she would surely express it by now, but she never did, so Spencer knew her feelings weren't returned.

Spencer dated other people to push Emily from her mind. She dated men to distract her friends from the glances she couldn't help and the quickened heart beat she couldn't control when Emily was near. She thought that Toby was the answer to it all, that he was a nice guy that she could be happy with, and as far as everyone else knew, she was completely in love with him. But then he worked for A, his betrayal shook Spencer to her very core. Although she knew the reasons as to why he did it and he tried to make it up to her afterwards, her trust was shattered. She may have needed him as a diversion for herself and everyone around her, but her trust and safety were more important.

"How could you possibly understand, Spencer?" Emily mumbled, her head currently resting on Spencer shoulder, her arms around her waist as she let silent tears fall onto the taller girl's jacket. "How could you understand how much it hurts every day?"

"T-three hundred and sixty five days," Emily's voice cracked as she spoke. "She's been gone for three hundred and sixty five days."

"I know, Emily, I know," Spencer whispered, her hands pressed against Emily's waist as she held the crying girl close.

"No, you _don't _know," Emily's voice raised, shaking from tears and resounding throughout the house. "Maya's gone, she's not coming back, Paige is gone, she left town because of A, and my own mother isn't even here. Everyone leaves, Spencer, the only person who is constantly there in my life is A and that's just so the bitch can terrorize me."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yeah, until you find another boyfriend." Emily mutters, pushing herself out of Spencer's arms.

"What does that mean?"

Maybe because she was in pain, she decided to lash out and cause pain for someone else, or maybe it was the alcohol Emily consumed that once again messed with her mind and made her blood boil. Either way, what Emily had just said was out in the open now, and part of her mind was currently telling her to shut up, but the other part, the louder part, told her life was unfair to her and her friend didn't get to say she understood when she let the one she loved go so easily and Emily's love was always taken from her.

"You only care about me when you're not dating someone. You find someone to date that you decide needs to be fixed and when you break up with them, you come back around to me and try to, I don't know, either fix me or make up for not being there. You don't understand my feelings because you don't get your heart broken, you break hearts, and you don't understand what it's like to be alone because you attach yourself to whoever you're with."

Spencer stood back, eyes wide, teeth clenched, and hands balled into fists as the words uttered from her best friend's mouth hit hard. Yes, she attached herself to the people she dated, and yes, when she broke up with them or they broke up with her she would never be hurt, but she attached herself to them to distract herself from Emily, and she didn't feel heartache from them, she felt it from the love she had for her friend. But she couldn't tell Emily that, not right now.

"Listen, Em, I know it's been a year since you lost Maya, and I get that it hurts, but don't be angry with me just because I the only one here. You can be angry with the world that it screwed you over, you can be angry with Paige that she left you, and you can be angry with your mom, Aria, and Hanna for not being here when you need them, but not me. I'm here. I've _been_ here, Emily, through every break up, through every bad memory. I've been here with you and I always will."

"Oh, so I don't have the right to be angry with you? What about this push and pull with you? You're here for me when the friendship is convenient to you and you _never _let me in, Spencer. When you're here it's like talking to a wall. You tell me to talk about my feelings; well I'd like to know yours too. When you're 'here for me'" Emily made air quotes as she spoke, "It's like I'm still alone."

Spencer stood, heart racing and mind whirling with anger. She knew Emily had no idea about her feelings but she was hurt by how badly she misunderstood her actions. How could Emily see her as such a selfish person? The way Emily saw her; it almost reminded her of how Spencer saw Alison, and that downright outraged her.

"Do you really want to know how I feel, Emily?" Spencer spoke through clenched teeth.

"Yes, Spence, tell me. Finally put some effort into our friendship like I've been doing for years." Emily wiped at her eyes angrily as she spoke, venom evident in her voice. She stood and waited, folding her arms across her chest with an expectant look on her face as Spencer glared at her and contemplated her actions.

Spencer was stuck. She held a firm, angered gaze, at Emily as she tried to find something, anything, to say. Emily was getting impatient, Spencer could tell by the tap of her foot, the crossing of her arms, and the arch of her eyebrow. Spencer knew every little detail about Emily, she paid attention to every word the girl said, and she put in more effort to their friendship than the other would ever be aware of.

"Well?" Emily spoke up, her impatience getting the best of her. Spencer shook her head, at a complete loss for words and Emily lifted her head and squared her shoulders in triumph. "See, you don't care. You never share anything with me, you never tell me how you're feeling or what you feel about our friendship. If this is so important you, you would say something. That's what friends do, Spencer, but you… You just don't care about anything but yourself."

That was it. Spencer snapped. She didn't know if it was out of anger and her need to prove Emily wrong. She didn't know if it was out of fear that this fight could be the fight that causes her to lose Emily for good. She didn't know, she didn't think through her emotions, she was done restraining herself; she was done keeping control. She didn't think; she acted.

Lunging forward, Spencer's hands gripped onto both of Emily's shoulders and pulled her forward to meet her half way in closing the distance between them. Spencer's lips met Emily's. Her eyes snapped shut as Emily's flew open and her entire body tensed. Spencer's lips moved against Emily's in pure desperation as her control finally slipping after four years and her mind shut off to the pure bliss that was kissing her friend. Spencer's hands made their way to chocolate brown curls and gripped tightly as her teeth sunk into Emily's bottom lip, causing a whimper from the other girl.

And that was when reality kicked in. Hands removed themselves and lips pulled away immediately. Emily's hands flew up to touch her lips as she looked at Spencer in shock. Spencer stared back, shocked by her own actions, but determined to stand by them.

"_That's_ how I feel, Emily."

* * *

**Author's Note: Okay, so this is my first spemily fic. If you're wondering about the name of it, I named it Devil's Tears after the song by Angus and Julia Stone, which is kinda what I based the story on. So if you haven't heard the song, go listen to it! It's pretty damn amazing. Oh and review with your thoughts! Reviews are like fuel for my creativity. They help me update faster~ **


	2. Chapter 2

"Spencer!" Emily shouted down the dark hallway, "Spence, stop!"

Spencer just shook her head in response, her feet pounding down the stairs as she took two steps at a time to put some distance between her and her friend. Stumbling through the dark house she made her way, yet again, through the Fields' kitchen and to where she had left her shoes. Bending down she slipped them on and with trembling hands she struggled to tie them.

"Spencer, we need to talk about this!"

Emily's hand came down onto her shoulder, gripping roughly, nails digging into her skin through the fabric of her shirt. Spencer froze, her still shaky hands giving up on the messy knots of her shoes as she stood up straight, posture rigid and body tense.

"So you're just going to what? Leave?" Emily voice snapped from behind. Spencer didn't need to look at the other girl's face to see the hurt in her eyes, her words dripped with it.

"Did you do that just to shut me up?" Emily accused, "That's typical of you Spencer. Things don't go your way so you create a distraction and then you run. Well, it's not going to work this time, I'm-"

"Emily!" Spencer practically yelled in the other girl's face as she whipped around to face her, her eyes narrowing as she took in the furious eyes staring back at her. "How could you ever think I'd toy with you like that?"

"Then what was it?"

Spencer took a deep breath, her hands clenching into shaking fists at her sides as she jerked her shoulder out of Emily's grip. She didn't want to do this. Not now, not like this. What had she done? Why had she acted so rash? That wasn't how Spencer Hastings did things. Spencer Hastings was calm, collected, and planned her actions thoroughly before making her move. But then, that Spencer Hastings always tended to disappear when Emily was hurting. If Emily turned to her with tears in her eyes, no matter what the problem, Spencer knew she would always jump to take care of it, even if it cost Spencer her safety or sanity.

"I just… I um," Spencer mentally cursed herself at her inability to find the words to explain this. She took a deep breath and relaxed her stance as much as she could possibly manage through all of her nerves. "Look, I'm going to go, but I'll come back. An hour, just give me one hour, so… So I can sort this out with myself, so I can figure out what to say and avoid going back to us screaming at each other. I'll go, I'll grab food for us, and I'll come back in exactly an hour, then we'll talk."

Emily narrowed her eyes, looking at her in disbelief. She crossed her arms over her chest and let out a frustrated sigh. "Just one hour. And Spencer, if you don't come back I swear to God-"

"I will." Spencer cut her off, meeting her eyes and giving her a look that she prayed would give Emily the understanding of just how honest she was being. "Just… Stay away from the booze while I'm gone, okay?"

And with that she was out the door, sprinting through the rain to her car as fast as she possibly could. Emily watched Spencer go, waiting until Spencer pulled onto the street and drive away before closing the door. Turning with her back to the door, she leaned against it, sliding herself on the floor and tucking her knees to chest. Resting her chin on her them, she stared out into the darkness of her kitchen.

Usually nights like these would get to her. The rain, the darkness, the silence, and the empty house, they were all factors that on any other day, would have her locking her doors and hiding in her room from the menace that was this mysterious A. In fact, that was exactly what she was doing until Spencer came, cowering in the comfort of her own bed, hoping no stalker was lurking about her yard, and basking in her own sadness. But tonight, after what happened with Spencer, A was the furthest thing from her mind. Tonight, as she sat on the cold, hard tile of the kitchen, all she could process was the feeling of Spencer's lips and all she wanted was another kiss.

* * *

"What did you do, Spencer, what did you do?" Spencer whispered to herself, a hand clenched around a coffee cup as she sat in an almost empty café.

Her gaze flickered across the room and she chuckled under her breath at the irony. Out of all the places she could've gone to think, she went to the place Emily worked, she really couldn't get away from Emily, no matter how hard she tried. Her head turned to look out the window as rain pattered against the glass. She lifted her wrist up to her face and checked her watch. She had about forty five minutes left to sort out her inner turmoil. She should've asked for more time, an hour would barely put a dent in calming the hectic state of mind she was currently in.

So she and Emily had big fight. That wasn't what worried Spencer, they've had fights before, and they've gotten past each and every one of them. Not without cost though, Spencer understood that, with each fight she had distanced herself from Emily a little bit more, worried that the next time a fight would come along her true feelings for Emily would be exposed. And that's exactly what happened. It seems Spencer's hopes that distance would keep her secrets only caused her to reveal them to her friend herself. She hated herself a little bit right now.

She didn't hate herself for kissing Emily, she was pretty sure that that moment, although totally unexpected on both their parts, was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She hated herself for thinking distancing would be the solution to her problems, she hated herself for keeping things from Emily and then letting them get out of hand like they had, but most of all she hated herself for the pain she saw in Emily's eyes when she explained just how she saw her friendship with Spencer.

Emily wasn't wrong in what she said. Spencer was slowly growing more and more absent in their relationship. She didn't share her feelings with Emily because that would involve sharing her feelings _for_ Emily, so she stayed silent. She was the shoulder Emily cried on, the hand she held, the protection she needed, and Spencer thought that was enough, but even if she was all these things, she wasn't truly _there_ for Emily. Friends trusted each other, they shared with each other, and how could a friend truly feel safe and accepted if the other never spoke of their thoughts? Spencer just now began to realize that throughout all of Spencer's attempts to shield Emily from the dangers of A, Emily never truly felt safe with her.

So what was she to do now? Should she lay all her cards out on the table or try to find some way to clean up this situation without having to face her biggest fear and reveal the depths of her biggest secret? She liked the second option, but then she'd just end up hurting Emily again. Spencer knew she didn't have a choice. The worst pain wasn't harboring unrequited feelings and it wasn't being rejected. No, the worst pain was knowing she caused her loved one pain.

Spencer nodded to herself, her free hand ran through her hair as she pushed out of her chair. She grabbed the paper bag of the table, filled with food for herself and Emily just as she had promised, and walked out of the café.

'_So this is it,'_ Spencer thought to herself as she got into her car and drove towards the Fields' house. She was going to tell Emily everything. She wasn't going to hold anything back. She was finally going to tell Emily how she felt. She was going to tell her she was in love with her just as she had dreamed of for years. And she was utterly terrified. She only hoped that this wouldn't destroy what was left of their fragile friendship.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry for the short chapter, I was going to keep going with it but I thought the next part of the story would probably work better as it's own chapter and I wanted to update as soon as I could. So, I hope you enjoy this chapter, chapter 3 will be coming soon! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Okay, so its almost 5am, I have no idea where I got this sudden urge to keep writing but I just did soooo... I told you chapter 3 would be coming soon! Anyways, sorry if there's any mistakes, like I said, it's 5am. **

* * *

Mondays were always rough, but this Monday had to be the worst for Emily Fields. She was currently standing by Spencer's locker for the third time that day, her eyes yet again scanning through the crowded hallways as teenagers pushed and shoved their way through, eager to get home.

Emily had waited in the morning by Spencer's locker until she had to go to first period, she skipped her lunch and waited until the bell rang, she made a point of passing by the locker in between each class, and now she was waiting again until Spencer's practice was over. Surely she would come to her locker by then. Emily knew she wouldn't skip school, no matter what the circumstances, Spencer would _never_ skip school.

"Hey, Em, where have you been all day?" Hanna's voice called through the crowd of people still scurrying through the halls as she made her way to the brunette.

"Here, pretty much all day," Emily sighed as she leaned her back against Spencer's locker, "Waiting for Spencer to finally show up."

"You know Spencer has practice don't you?"

"I do," Emily shrugged.

"And you know that it doesn't end for another…" Hanna pulled her phone out of her pocket, checking the time before looking back up at Emily, "Hour and half."

"Yep," Emily reached down at the backpack she left by her feet, pulling out a book from it. "I figured I'd just wait here and read until she showed up."

"And why not just, I don't know, call her when she's done with practice like any other person would do?"

Emily ran a hand through her hair, huffing out in frustration as she dropped the book back into her bag. She let her head drop, her eyes staring at the floor as she started to bite her bottom lip.

"She won't answer my calls. Trust me, I've been calling her practically every second since Saturday night. That's why I'm waiting here, I figured she'd have to come by her locker at some point. I might have missed her this morning and during lunch, but her backpack is in there, she wouldn't just leave her homework here. I figured she'd show up at some point."

"Em, how do you know her backpack is in there?" Hanna questioned skeptically.

"Her lock combination is kind of easy to figure out," Emily shrugged, "You just have to know her as well as I do."

Emily smirked at little bit at her own comment. Spencer's lock combination, in fact, was a little bit difficult for Emily to figure out at first. Turns out, it was Emily's birthday, which not only brought a big smile to her face, but made her heart flutter, a feeling that was happening a lot lately since that Saturday night with Spencer.

"Okay…" Hanna arched an eye brow as she examined her friend closely. Emily was acting weird, which was pretty obvious to anyone who tried to talk to her today. Emily always acted differently when she fought with Spencer, it almost reminded Hanna of a lovesick, sad, little puppy. But this was a different kind of weird. There was a spark in Emily's eyes as Hanna watched her friend's gaze dart through the hallways anxiously. Hanna didn't understand what was happening, Emily wasn't sad and she wasn't mad either, and on top of that Spencer was acting differently too. Spencer was barely paying attention to class, it looked as if she hadn't slept in days, and she was purposely avoiding Emily, something Hanna had never seen Spencer do. The blonde had no clue what was wrong with her two friends, but she sure as hell was going to find out.

"So what happened between you two?" Hanna questioned as she leaned her shoulder against the locker next to Spencer's, trying her best to stare Emily down as she fidgeted.

"I… I don't know if it's really my place to say, Hanna," Emily warned as she tried to look everywhere but at her curious friend next to her.

"Oh come on, Em, just tell me what happened. It's me, you can tell me anything."

To be honest, Emily didn't even really know what happened between the two of them. Emily looked up at the blonde staring expectantly back at her and she bit her lip again as she searched for some sort of explanation. Her mind went back to Saturday night, an hour after the kiss, when Spencer had finally returned.

* * *

_"I… I don't really know what to say," Spencer sighed as she sat on Emily's bed, staring at her hands as they rested in her lap. _

_ "Just tell me what's going on, Spence," Emily encouraged as she sat across from Emily, her back leaning against the headboard. _

_ "I guess, I'm just nervous," Spencer admitted, her head lifting so she could peak at her friend._

_ "Spencer Hastings is nervous? I didn't think that was possible," Emily tried to joke. Spencer let out a small chuckle, a smile cracking upon her lips as she saw Emily grinning back at her. _

_ Emily leaned forward, her hands reaching to take Spencer's from her lap. Emily's smile fell and her expression turned into a more serious one. She searched Spencer's eyes for a second, biting her lip in contemplation before she spoke._

_ "Is this your way of trying to come out?" Emily questioned hesitantly, "Spence, it is okay to be confused about it. I went through this too, you know." _

_ "No, no, this is definitely not about me being confused. I _know_ who I am, Emily, and I don't doubt it for a second." Spencer admitted, her hands tensing as Emily cradled them in her own. She took in a deep breath, trying her best to find the words to explain herself. Her heart was beating like crazy and she knew by the worried look on Emily's face that her friend definitely noticed that Spencer's entire body was practically shaking. "This is about you not knowing who I am, and before you say anything, you had no possible way of knowing who I am. I thought about what you said, and you're right, I haven't told you anything about me or expressed how I've felt. I need to change that and I'm going to change that, starting now."_

_ "Nobody knows about this part of me," Spencer continued, "Not Hanna, not Aria, not… Oh, wait. I guess that's not entire true. Ali knew. But ever since then, I've kept the secret to myself. This… This isn't about me being gay or straight or whatever label anyone would want to put on me. I, honestly, don't give a damn about labels. I know how I feel and I don't need a label to define myself for that. But that's not what this whole thing is about, that's not the secret I've been holding for all these years."_

_ "Actually, I've held it since I've met you, Emily, and I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want anything to come between our friendship. But I can see now, that by hiding these things from you, I did the exact opposite of what I had intended to do and I hurt you in the process…" Spencer's voice cracked slightly as she yet again dropped her gaze to the bed spread instead of meeting her friend's concerned eyes. Emily tightened her grip on Spencer's hands, trying to encourage her to continue, to let her know that she was still listening. "I dated Toby and all those other guys because I thought it was for the best. And when you said that I clung to them, you were completely right, I did it so that I could have a distraction and an excuse to… to stay away from you."_

_ "Why would you need to stay away from me, Spence?" Emily questioned, her voice filled with hurt and worry. "What was so bad about this secret that it made you hide from me like this?"_

_ "I wanted to get you out of my head!" Spencer finally admitted, burring her head in her hands as she spoke, "I didn't want you to see how much it affected me when you dated Maya, Samara, or Paige! I didn't know what else to do_ so _I tried for years to get over you."_

_ "'Get over me'? What are you saying?"_

_ "Emily," Spencer looked up, tears forming at the corner of her eyes, "I love you."_

_ "I love you too, Spence, but I don't understand why you'd run from me like this." Emily huffed, a little bit of frustration showing in her eyes as she struggled to understand._

_ "No, Emily, I _love _you. I…" Spencer cut herself off, shaking her head before locking eyes with Emily. In one swift motion, she planted her hands on the bed, on either side of Emily as she leaned forward and for the second time that night, pressed their lips together in another unexpected kiss. _

_ Emily tensed, her hands dropped on the bed, frozen with palms facing open and fingers bent from where they had been holding Spencer's hand. A hand went from the bed to Emily's chin as Spencer pulled her face closer to her own, pressing their lips harder together. Emily took a ragged breath through her nose as her eyes snapped shut and Spencer lips left for a brief second, only to press themselves against Emily's yet again for a second, deeper kiss. _

_ Spencer's hand moved from Emily's chin to her cheek, caressing the soft tanned skin as she pulled back to look at her friend. Spencer bit her lip, waiting expectantly for Emily to finally open her eyes. When she finally did, Spencer searched her eyes for some sort of realization, understanding, or any type of emotion._

_ "I'm in love with you, Emily," Spencer whispered. "I've been in love with you for so long. And no matter how hard I try to get over these feelings, I can't and frankly, I don't want to. I love you, I've always loved you, and I'm pretty damn sure I always will."_

_ Emily didn't know what to say. She tried to force herself to speak but all she could manage was opening and closing her mouth as she tried to make herself form any type of response. It seemed like her brain had totally shut down. The only thing that ran through her mind was 'Spencer is in love with me' and it seemed to bounce from wall to wall off her head and echo throughout her entire body, causing her heart to practically boom inside her chest. _

_ She didn't understand what she was feeling. She loved Spencer; she knew that, Spencer was her friend. But was she in love with Spencer? All Emily knew was that she was strangely happy, really _really_ happy. Her heart felt like it was going to burst. And on top of that feeling, she also felt relieved. That feeling was what confused her completely. Was she just relieved that Spencer was no longer keeping secrets? Yes… but no, no that wasn't the real reason why she was relieved. _

_ But along with these feelings there was also one that was starting to win the battle inside her mind, one that was screaming at her louder than the others, and that was the urge to kiss Spencer again._

_ Emily's hands suddenly flew up and behind Spencer's neck, locking themselves in place and pulling Spencer until their lips met yet again. This time it wasn't hesitant, it wasn't as new, and it wasn't as unexpected. Well, at least it wasn't for Emily. Her lips moved against Spencer this time with confidence, and her hands knotted themselves in the other girl's hair as she repositioned herself so she was lying flat on her bed with Spencer being pulled to lie on top of her. _

_ Spencer's hesitance was overpowered by the joy of the fact that this time Emily had kissed her first. Emily wanted Spencer to kiss her back, Spencer reasoned, so Spencer was definitely going to do just that. _

_ Spencer's hands made their way to either side of Emily's head, her leg swinging over Emily's hips so she could straddle her waist and continue to kiss her. Emily's hands untangled themselves from Spencer's hair and moved to her waist and under her shirt as she dug her nails into Spencer's skin just above her hips. Spencer groaned at the feeling as Emily's nails ran across her toned stomach and her tongue traced Spencer's bottom lip. _

_ Everything inside of Spencer was telling her to stop, telling her they still needed to talk, telling her she shouldn't be doing this to Emily. What if Emily didn't want it? But then again, why wouldn't Emily if she was the one currently pushing Spencer's jacket off her shoulders before moving her hands back to Spencer's waist and slowly tugging her shirt up by its hem. _

_ Emily had Spencer's shirt up over her stomach by the time Spencer had parted her lips and deepened their kiss. Both of Emily and Spencer's chest were currently heaving for air as their tongues battle each other's for dominance. Spencer pulled away once her shirt was over her shoulders, but just for a second so that she could pull it completely off before leaning back down, her weight pressed against Emily as her hands dug themselves into Emily's hair and they continued their heated kiss._

_ Hips began to push against each other, hands began to roam, and the kiss kept getting more and more desperate and hungry. Things were getting past the point of no return for Spencer, she saw the line coming quickly and she sure as hell didn't want to stop it. And neither did Emily, she may not understand her feelings but God… All she did understand was that she wanted Spencer to never stop kissing her and for this deliciously addictive sensation her heart was causing to never stop._

_ But then the phone rang. Emily pressed her lips harder to Spencer's, hands gripping Spencer's hips tightly as she felt Spencer start to pull away._

_ "Ignore it, ignore it, _please,"_ Emily growled against Spencer's lips, her nails digging painfully into the other girl's hips._

_ Unfortunately for Emily, the annoying ring of the phone sent Spencer crashing back to reality and to a screeching halt from the line she had previously been so close to. _

_ Spencer shook her head, leaning back up and grabbing Emily's phone from her bedside table. She pressed 'accept' and held the phone out to Emily. Emily huffed in frustration, her eyes narrowing as she glared at Spencer before taking the phone from her hands._

_ "Hello?" Emily answered, venom dripping in her tone. "What is it?"_

_ Spencer still sat perched upon Emily's waist as her hands ran through her now mussed up hair. She practically gasped breath by breath into her lungs as she swallowed hard and took in the situation she had yet again put herself in. _

_ "Aria? No-" Emily was cut off, Spencer could hear Aria's concerned voice through the phone. "No, I really don't need you to come over… of course I'm okay. I mean it. Yes. You don't believe me?"_

_ Spencer chuckled slightly at how persistent it seemed Aria was being. She felt a pang of guilt for being so mad at her friend before and for thinking that Spencer was the only one who cared for Emily. _

_ "No, please don't come over I don't need-" Emily stopped herself, holding her phone from her hand and staring at it in frustration. "She hung up. Apparently she's coming over." _

_ Spencer cleared her throat, nodding her head slowly as she crawled off of Emily. She stood up from the bed, Emily staying in the same position she had been in before being interrupted by the phone. Spencer searched the room until she found where she had previously flung her shirt and quickly pulled it back on. _

_ "I'm going to go," She spoke softly, her voice sounding loud in the uncomfortably silent room. _

_ "Please don't, Spence, you don't have to." Emily jumped up from the bed as quickly as she could, rushing over to where Spencer stood._

_ "Yes I do," Spencer whispered, cautiously taking a step away from Emily and looking down to avoid the hurt she knew would be evident in her eyes. "Look, Aria will be here soon so you won't be alone and I need to go… to think about what just happened."_

_ Spencer turned to leave but stopped dead in her tracks as a gentle hand shot out and fingers laced themselves through her own. She didn't look back but stayed still as she waited for some sort of response from Emily._

_ "Promise me we'll talk about this later?" Emily questioned hesitatingly. _

_ Spencer took a deep breath, her head dropping as her eyes locked on the floor. She nodded her head once and she felt Emily's hand slip tentatively away from hers. Her heart tightened as she kept her head down and walked out the door._

_ Spencer didn't want things to happen this way. Yes, of course she came back to Emily's that night after their fight with every intent to tell her friend exactly how she felt, but she didn't… she didn't want to do _that. _She didn't want to kiss her like that; she didn't want to touch her like that. Not now, not until she knew how Emily felt, because now that she did those things, she didn't want to stop, and she knew she'd never want to stop. And what if Emily really didn't feel the same? Then it would just hurt even more because she knew how it felt, how amazing it was to kiss her lips and feel her soft skin. If Emily didn't feel the same she would never get to experience that again and Spencer knew it would kill her. But if she took things farther she knew she would regret it because Emily would probably regret doing anything with her and the number one thing Spencer wanted to do was keep herself from hurting Emily any more. _

_ So what was she going to do now? Spencer didn't know. All she knew was that she was scared. Scared of hurting Emily, scared of being hurt by Emily, and scared of what could happened to their friendship. So what was her solution for now? To run. Spencer was going to run from Emily, yet again. Even if it killed her to do so._

* * *

"Emily?" Hanna snapped, "Emily come on! Just tell me what happened!"

Emily shook her head, her eyes met Hanna's as she snapped out of her daze and her mind took her away from the events of Saturday night and back to the present.

"I'm not sure what happened, Hanna," Emily finally spoke, "But I think I have feelings for Spencer."


	4. Chapter 4

"_I'm not sure what happened, Hanna," Emily finally spoke, "But I think I have feelings for Spencer."_

"Woah, wait, what?!" Hanna practically screeched, her eyes widening in disbelief. "Em, you like Spencer?"

"Er, I think so…" Emily mumbled, purposely trying to avoid eye contact with the stunned blonde standing next to her.

"Spencer? As in _Spencer_? Our Spencer?"

"Yes, Hanna," Emily groaned as she shook her head. She knew she probably shouldn't have said what she did out loud, or at least if she was going to say it she probably should have said it to Spencer _first_, but I guess it's a little late for that now. Emily was mentally kicking herself for it too. Out of all the people she could let that little piece of information slip to, it had to be Hanna. Emily could only imagine how fast this secret would spread. The blonde would probably be on the phone with god knows who, dishing about Emily's little crush, the minute she was done digging out all the details from her.

Emily didn't even know why she blurted it out like that. She definitely didn't intend too. When she waited all day by Spencer's locker, her goal wasn't to tell Spencer she had feelings for her, in fact she didn't even realize she had feelings for Spencer until about two seconds ago when she was reflecting on the events of Saturday night. She had originally decided to wait for Spencer for the sole purpose of getting answers out of the other girl. Since that night, Emily had been obsessing over Spencer's words and actions, and by Monday she just couldn't take it anymore. She wanted to know why Spencer had been ignoring her, why she had run from her, what the kiss meant, and what would happen between them now. There seemed to be an endless amount of questions Emily wanted to ask Spencer, but out of all of those the one she was dying to get an answer for was what did Spencer mean by the things she said? Emily's head felt like it was going to explode if she didn't get a confirmation of Spencer's feelings soon.

Yes, of course Emily had heard Spencer say she was in love with her. And yes, at first she was confused at Spencer's meaning when she said she loved her, but after the second kiss, Emily was pretty sure Spencer's feelings for her were clear. That's why she initiated the third kiss. She didn't understand her own feelings, she didn't really care to understand them at the time, and all she knew was that she was happy. In one of the darkest days she'd gone through since Ali's disappearance or Maya's death, a day that at first left Emily feeling lost and scared, Spencer had made her feel utterly happy and for a brief moment she forgot about all her pain. So she kissed her first this time, and from what she remembers, Spencer definitely kissed her back. And in that moment Emily knew, Spencer loved her; she was in love with her. But in _this_ moment, while she waited, desperately searching for her friend to show up, Emily was starting to second guess Spencer's feelings.

Looking back at it, she could've been mistaken. If Spencer really was in love with her, why was she ignoring her? Why was she letting Emily sit and suffer in her own confusion? If Spencer really was in love with her, wouldn't she be here right now telling her how she felt? The more Emily thought about the more nervous she became. Spencer could be pretty convincing if she wanted to be, maybe the kiss, the confession, and the other kisses after that were just a way to get Emily to shut up. This isn't like the Spencer Hastings Emily knew. The Spencer Hastings she knew would fight for what she wanted, not sit in the shadows for god knows how long and wait while the person she wanted was taken by someone else. Spencer got what she wanted, when she wanted, and if things went in a different direction, Spencer would take control of the situation. Maybe that was what Spencer was doing Saturday night when they started fighting. Emily didn't know, but the more she thought about it, the angrier she became.

"Spencer Hasting?" Hanna narrowed her eyes; studying Emily's every move to look for some sort of sign of Emily's admission being just some weird joke.

"For the last time, yes Hanna," Emily groaned, throwing up her arms in frustration. "I have feelings for Spencer. Spencer Hastings. That's why I've been waiting by her locker all day. I need to talk to her about them, and I'd really appreciate it if I could talk to her _alone._"

"Em, you still have like-" Hanna lifted up her phone up again midsentence, "a little over an hour. I'll leave you alone when her practice ends but until then you're going to tell me everything. And by everything I mean_ every_ teeny tiny little detail."

Emily sighed in defeat, resting her back against Spencer's locker as she closed her eyes and shook her head. She might as well tell Hanna, there was no getting around it now. It was either tell her now or she wouldn't get rid of her in time to talk to Spencer.

"Okay, Hanna, I'll tell you. But you can't tell anyone else, not even Aria. I don't want word to get around before Spencer and I can sort everything out."

"Okay, okay, I promise, now spill!"

* * *

Lacrosse practice was really what Spencer needed to clear her head. She had been wrapped up in mentally hating herself for her actions, kicking herself for every time she pressed 'ignore' when Emily's name popped up on her phone, and stressing over what to say that she was starting to lose it. She needed some way to take out these frustrations, and now that she knew kissing Emily just caused more stress rather cured some of her problems, kicking the crap out of her team mates on the field seemed to be the better, more effective method she chose to take.

Spencer didn't know what she was thinking. Did she really believe that Emily kissing her back would mean anything? Well, at the time when Emily was actually kissing her back she really didn't think of anything at all, but now that she was away from those intoxicating lips reality stabbed her like a knife. Spencer knew that it didn't necessarily mean Emily returned her feelings, in fact, Spencer was pretty sure Emily didn't. For all Spencer knew, the kiss could've just been Emily taking pity on her, and that caused her heart to do this sickeningly painful twist inside of her chest at the thought of it.

There was only one thing Spencer was truly afraid of and it was being rejected by the one she loved. A made her nervous, but she'd rather take all A had to offer than be rejected by Emily, her best friend, the girl she was madly in love with. Maybe she was afraid of it because it would change their friendship, maybe she was afraid because she could lose Emily, but something was telling her she was really afraid because if she were to be rejected by Emily it would mean she wouldn't be good enough. How could she be good enough for the one she loved if she didn't feel good enough for her own family? So that's why she was ignoring Emily, she was afraid of her answer, the inevitable rejection she would surely face the moment she spoke to her friend.

Spencer gritted her teeth, slamming her gym locker door shut with all the force she could muster, her anger with herself getting the best of her. She grabbed her dirty uniform and stuffed it into her gym bag, slinging it over as she made her way out of the locker rooms and into the school's hallways. Peeking over the corner of the hallway she saw the back of Hanna, leaning by her locker and listening intently to Emily as she chatted away about something that seemed to make her really upset.

Emily had been waiting by Spencer's locker every chance she got. Spencer was well aware of that and even expected it, that's why she got to school early and lugged her books for every class she had around with her all day. This was typical of Emily, it's what she always did when someone was upset with her. Emily wasn't usually one to be angry back at them or yell or fight, she was one to persist. And damn, was she persistent as ever when it came to getting an answer from Spencer.

Spencer chuckled to herself, God did she know Emily well. A twinge of guilt shot through her has she realized, that yes she did know Emily, well enough to know that Emily was probably blaming herself for Spencer's actions at the moment. Spencer bit her lip as she watched, still hiding just around the corner. Emily really did look upset. Spencer was almost positive Emily believed she did something wrong to hurt Spencer, which was the exact opposite. Spencer was the one that did something wrong, and if Spencer got hurt, it would be her own fault. She couldn't stand hurting Emily. She might as well talk to her now. Get it over with.

Hanna looked behind her briefly, her eyes locked with Spencer's as she gave her a knowing look. Spencer sighed and hesitantly stepped around the corner as Hanna waved Emily goodbye and walked on past her and to the school's exit.

Spencer took slow steps, watching Emily carefully as she moved closer. Emily shuffled her feet and met Spencer's eyes briefly before turning her head and looking down at the floor. In the brief moment that their eyes met Spencer could see the worry and nerves written across her face and she took a little bit of comfort in the fact that at least they were both just as nervous about the discussion they were going to have.

"I need to get my backpack," Spencer mumbled as she stopped and stood in front of Emily. Emily looked up slowly, a flash of anger showing in her eyes.

"Not until you explain yourself."

"Well, I left my keys in my backpack so I wouldn't lose them, and I need my keys to start my car so I can get home tonight at a reasonable time so my parents don't start to worry," Spencer tried to joke, a smirk starting to form on her face.

"That's not what I meant, Spence," Emily rolled her eyes, crossing her arms and leaning against Spencer's locker to prove her point. Spencer knew Emily wasn't going to move until she had answers. "Why haven't you been answering my calls?"

"I'm sorry," Spencer's head dropped as she spoke, her smirk turning back into a frown. "I didn't know what to say to you."

"Anything would've been better than silence. Do you know how worried I've been about all this?"

Spencer simply nodded. She knew Emily well and she definitely knew how her friend had a tendency to take every problem and blame herself for it even if others were clearly to blame.

"I'm talking to you now, aren't I?"

"I guess," Emily sighed, running a nervous hand through her hair. They stood in silence for a few moments, Spencer trying desperately to avoid making eye contact again and Emily constantly staring at the girl in front of her, waiting for the explanation she's been dying to hear. After what seemed like hours of awkward silence Emily finally decided to speak up. "I'm sorry; I don't really know where to start. I just have a lot of questions."

"Start with asking me one of those questions."

"Okay…" Emily hesitated, trying to think of one of the easier ones to ask that wouldn't cause them to get into another fight, but truthfully most of the questions Emily had to ask were pretty weighted. "Why did you kiss me last night?"

"Why did _you_ kiss _me_?" Spencer countered.

"That's not an answer, Spencer. That's just another question."

"I know," Spencer looked back up at her friend with a cocky grin and an arched eyebrow. "I never said I'd answer your questions, I just told you to ask me."

"That's not fair, Spence!"

"Life's not fair, Em," Spencer shrugged, leaning her shoulder on the locker next to her own. "Look, you answer my question first and I'll answer yours."

Emily groaned, shaking her head in disbelief as she glared at the girl smirking back at her. This was typical of Spencer; she always tried to get the upper hand. Well if Spencer was going to play that way, Emily would try to as well.

"I wanted to," Emily answered simply, shrugging her shoulders.

"That's not all of the answer."

"You never said I'd have to give you all of the answer. I answered. Now it's your turn, and don't steal my answer."

"Well played," Spencer grumbled as she narrowed her eyes at Emily. She decided to cut the bullshit and just get this over with. She was going to be honest with Emily. No games, no lies, nothing to keep hidden. She was going to lay all her cards out on the table.

"I've wanted to kiss you since the moment I met you, Emily, and Saturday night I just finally decided to do it," Emily's triumphant smirk slowly faded as she listened to Spencer's words. Spencer's own grin disappearing as she looked at her friend seriously and continued. "I told you that night and I'll tell you again, I'm in love with you, Emily. I've been in love with you for a very long time and I'm pretty sure I always will. I've been ignoring you because I wasn't ready to face you, to face the possibility of being rejected by you. If I was rejected by you then all my hopes of actually ever being with you would be gone and I was afraid of that. I may be strong and I may seem brave, but losing you terrifies me. I'd rather face everything A had to throw at me than lose you, Em. But I'm going to face my fears now, Emily, so I can stop hiding from you and hurting you. "

Spencer took a deep breath, reaching her hand out for Emily's, taking her own from where it rested upon her arms which were still folded at her chest. She dropped her arms to her sides, letting Spencer take her hand and lace their fingers together as she waited for Spencer to continue.

"I've watched you fall for other people and I've told myself for years it was for the best and that as long as you were happy I was happy, but each and every day it gets a little hard to lie to myself like that. I guess what I'm saying, Em, is that I want to be with you. I love you and I want to be the one you're happy with. I understand that you don't feel the same though, so if you just give me time I can find a way to get over this and I promise we can go back to being friends and everything would be normal again."

"Spencer…" Emily's voice came out as barely a whisper. Her hand was currently holding Spencer's in a death grip as Spencer stared nervously at her friend. Emily could tell it took her a lot of strength to share all these things with her. She could see the fear in her eyes, an emotion that Emily knew for Spencer was hard to express, and Emily was one hundred percent positive that Spencer was sincere.

Emily didn't know if she was in love with Spencer. She only had a few days to think of the possibility of even being with Spencer and it took her almost two days to wrap her head around the fact that she had any feelings for Spencer at all, but at least she was absolutely sure about that. She didn't want to lose her friendship with Spencer though, but she knew that with both of them having feelings for each other, however deep either of their feelings may be, they couldn't go back to how their friendship used to be. Feelings made things complicated, maybe Emily didn't love Spencer, but maybe she did? If she didn't explore these feelings, things would just be so much harder when they'd both try to fight them. So, yes, Emily didn't know if she loved Spencer but she wasn't going to miss the chance to find out.

"Right now, things are happening really fast," Emily began, struggling to find the right words. "Everything is really confusing, Spence. I don't know how I feel but I do know that I… I do have feelings for you and I want to try to be with you too."

Spencer's hand tightened around Emily's as her eyes lit up from Emily's words. A smile began to form on her lips, not a fake one, not a cocky one, but a real smile. A smile that caused Emily's heart to skip a beat and made her wish that she never had to stop staring at that beautiful smile. Emily gave Spencer an equally bright smile in return as they stared back at each other, all the worry leaving both of their eyes.

"So, what do you say? Would you go out with me?" Emily chuckled as she asked Spencer the one question she just realized she had been dying to ask since Spencer first kissed her.

"Definitely!" Spencer answered, pulling Emily into a tight embrace as their lips met for another kiss, this time totally expected and still totally breathtaking.


	5. Chapter 5

A hand ran through long chocolate brown curls as another played with small tanned fingers. A smile drew upon Spencer's face as she continued to stroke Emily's hair, her eyes never looking away from the peaceful expression on the other girl's face.

Emily's head was resting upon Spencer's thigh with her arms wrapped loosely around Spencer's waist. Her eyes were closed, a small smile was spread across her face, and if it weren't for the occasional content sigh, Spencer would've sworn Emily was asleep. Spencer's hands continued to run through soft tresses as Emily's arms tightened and she placed an innocent kiss upon the other girl's knee.

Spencer didn't want to break the silence. She wanted to stay in this perfect moment forever, a moment she didn't think she'd _ever_ get the chance to have, but she also knew there were some things to discuss, and she really wanted to talk them through before her parents got home.

"Em," Spencer whispered gently before bending down to place a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek.

"Hmm?" Emily hummed, her smile widening as a slight blush crept onto her cheeks.

"Can we talk about something?"

Emily's eyes opened this time, her smile starting to fade. No one liked to hear those words, and hearing them come from Spencer instantly made Emily worry. Of course, they had just started dating literally two hours ago, so Emily was pretty sure she wasn't getting dumped _that_ soon, but she still couldn't help but feel nervous about what it was Spencer had to say.

Emily sat up, her legs folded on the couch so she could sit facing Spencer. Spencer's hand took Emily's in her own and she began to play with the other girl's fingers, giving Emily a reassuring smile before she began to speak.

"Jeez, Em, give me that look," Spencer chuckled. "It's nothing bad, I promise."

Taking a deep breath, Emily let herself relax a little and gave Spencer a hesitant smile as she waited for her to continue.

"I love you and I want to be with you," Spencer reassured, her hands tightening around the other girl's as she spoke. She paused for a brief second, trying to find the words to say this as gently as possible. "But I'm not exactly ready to tell people."

"Okay…" Emily sighed.

It wasn't hard for Spencer to see the hurt that flashed in Emily's eyes as she listened to what Spencer had to say. Spencer groaned in frustration and shook her head. Her free hand came up to touch Emily's cheek as the other girl sat in front of her with a concerned look on her face.

"I'm not saying I never want to tell people, Em, I'm just not ready to tell them yet. You've been out for a while and I haven't even told anyone else but you how I feel. I want to see where this goes between us and to ease people into it. I figured maybe after a couple of weeks and a few dates I'd tell my parents, then we'd see how that went, and then we'd tell our friends."

Emily bit her lip nervously; her eyes brows furrowed as she listened to Spencer and worried over what her reaction might be when she finds out that Hanna knows everything. Emily wasn't really worried about Hanna telling others though. Hanna may be one who loves to receive the latest gossip, but she was also a trust worthy friend who knew how to keep a secret when asked to keep one. Emily knew Hanna wouldn't spread it around school, but she didn't know how Spencer would feel about her knowing. Spencer had a trust issue, which was pretty evident to Emily, especially when she just found out three days ago that Spencer's been hiding her feelings for her for years. Emily only hoped that Spencer would trust Hanna to keep the secret as much as Emily trusted her.

"I completely understand, Spencer, you don't have to come out right now if you're not ready, just don't take too long, okay?"

A relieved smile spread across Spencer's face as she nodded eagerly and pulled her girlfriend in for a tight embrace. Emily wrapped her arms back around Spencer's small waist and held her tightly, before pulling back and taking a deep breath.

"There's just one thing though," Emily hesitated, "I might have already told Hanna… But I made her promise not tell anyone until we figured everything out."

Spencer closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in as she nodded slowly. Emily on the other hand, was currently holding her breath, praying that Spencer wouldn't freak out on her again like she did that weekend and put her through the silent treatment.

"Okay," Spencer finally spoke.

"Okay?" Emily leaned back, eyes widening at Spencer's surprisingly calm response. Spencer just smirked and nodded again.

"You say Hanna promised, and I trust you both, so okay. But I'm still going to wait and tell my family in a couple of weeks before I tell anyone else. The more people know the higher the chance A could catch wind of our relationship and I'd rather tell my parents before they hear from someone else."

"I understand that," Emily smiled gently as she leaned forward and gave Spencer a peck on the lips. "I should be going. My mom wanted me home before dark."

Both girls stood, Spencer's hand reaching over and taking Emily's, their fingers intertwined as they walked towards the door. Emily turned to face Spencer as they reached the door, her back leaning against it as Spencer's hands rested on Emily's hips and their lips pressed together in a gentle kiss.

"Call me tonight?" Spencer mumbled against Emily's lips.

"Of course," Emily smiled, tilting her head up to place a kiss on Spencer's nose.

A grin spread across Spencer's lips as she watched the other girl turn and leave. If she had to describe how she felt at the moment, she'd have to say that no amount of words would accurately express how incredibly and utterly happy she was. She couldn't remember a time when she actually been as happy as she is right now. She honestly could never imagine Emily returning her feelings, but here she was standing in front of her kitchen door, watching her new girlfriend pull out of her drive way, with a giant goofy grin on her face.

The minute Emily was out of sight Spencer was already desperately wanting to see her again, but she also knew they really needed to take time to process things. Spencer had told Emily she loved her today and Emily had told her she had feelings for Spencer, and then the rest of the day they spent on Spencer's couch with their hands all over each other and their mouths a little too preoccupied to discuss these new developments. Spencer really didn't care though, she understood that Emily wasn't sure what she was feeling. Spencer was just glad Emily had some sort of feelings for her. Spencer had years to figure out how she felt for her best friend and so far Emily's only had about three days. It was Spencer's turn to let Emily think through her feelings and Spencer wasn't going to push that. They agreed to date and see where things went, and that alone made Spencer ecstatic, so she wasn't going to rush Emily into figuring things out any time soon. Spencer also decided that she would hold off from saying she loved the other girl so she could keep Emily from feeling like they were moving too fast and to avoid putting pressure on the other girl to say it back. Spencer knew she loved Emily and she knew Emily knew that too, but she didn't want to say it again until the other girl knew she felt the same way too. So Spencer decided to wait. She was going to wait until Emily said it first.

* * *

Emily wore a giant grin identical to the one Spencer was currently wearing as she drove home. Emily's heart was still racing from the moments she shared with Spencer. Everything about being with Spencer was so new to Emily and so far, even if she was still a little bit confused on her feelings for the other girl, Emily had never been happier.

Emily parked the car and leaned back in her seating. Taking a moment to think and bask in the memories of Spencer's touch. Emily had been in love before. She knew she loved Maya and Alison. She still remembered what it felt to kiss them, to be with them, to want to touch and hold them, and none of it compared to the feelings she was currently experiencing whenever she was near Spencer. She had kissed a few people in her life, but nothing felt as wonderful as Spencer's lips felt on hers.

Emily's hand reached up and a finger traced her bottom lip as she replayed every kiss she'd shared with Spencer that day. Emily closed her eyes for a moment and marveled over how easily her heart skipped a beat at just the thought of Spencer kissing her again. Emily was always one to fall in love easily, but never before had she felt like she was falling in love this fast or this strongly. She was still sure she wasn't ready to say she loved the other girl back, she knew she had feelings for Spencer and she knew she loved Spencer as a friend, but she hadn't really been given much time to process the idea of actually loving Spencer as something more.

Emily knew there was always something about Spencer that drew Emily to her. When Emily was upset or scared she would always run to Spencer rather than Hanna or Aria. She would always feel safer with Spencer and she would with the other girls, and always trust Spencer more than anyone without question. Emily never really thought about why she acted that way towards Spencer and not towards her other friends; to Emily it was just how things always were. But now as she thought back, maybe she did have hidden feelings. After Alison's push and pull with Emily, Emily had become extra careful not to fall for her friends, especially if she knew they were only interested in men. So maybe that was why she never considered the possibility of having feelings for Spencer or that there was a chance for them to be together. Emily had a tendency to lock feelings away, and once she did she was almost completely able to avoid feeling them and addressing them all together.

So maybe this was where her feelings for Spencer came from. Maybe they had been there the entire time and she just refused to face them. Emily didn't feel like dwelling on it much longer. All that was important was that they both had feelings for each other and they didn't have to lie to each other about it any longer.

Emily stepped out of the car, locking it behind her and walking into her house. She called for her mom before walking into the kitchen and noticing a sticky note that simply stated "Went to get groceries." Crumpling up the small piece of paper, Emily tossed it in the trash and turned to make her way to her room.

A knock on the door stopped her as she was halfway up the stairs. She sighed, and turned back around towards the door. She was almost one hundred percent positive Hanna would be on the other side of the door, probably too impatient to wait for Emily to return her calls that she had been ignoring while she was at Spencer's. Emily knew Hanna was eager to hear what had happened between her two friends after the blonde had left school, but Emily would've thought Hanna would have at least waited until the next day at school to interrogate her.

"Hanna, I told you I'd call you later!" Emily called as she made her way to the door. Her hand reached for the door knob before she flung it open in mock irritation. Her smirk disappeared quickly as she looked up to see who was on the other side.

"Hey, Em," her visitor replied as a nervous smile spread across the facing looking back at her.

Eyes went wide as she took in the sight of someone she didn't expect to see back in Rosewood ever again. She opened her mouth to speak, too shocked to form a sentence, instead only being able to utter one word.

"Paige."

* * *

**Author's Note: Okay, so another pretty short chapter. Sorry about that, I haven't really had much time to write and the past two chapters have been really hard for me to finish for some reason. Anyways, more updates will be coming soon! Keep reviewing, they inspire me to write faster~**


	6. Chapter 6

Head held high, shoulders squared and back straight, she walked back into the crowed hallways, smiling proudly as she passed through and accepted countless praises for her newest victory. She was brilliant, talented, and she simply oozed confidence. How could A have possibly thought Emily was the weakest link?

Truth be told, Spencer loved and envied these qualities about her girlfriend. Sure Spencer was brave and some may even say she was strong, but she'd definitely deny that at times. But confident? Not really. She was unsure. She was competitive, true, but that still didn't necessarily mean she possessed confidence. No, Spencer was the type to second guess, and she second guessed _everything._ You didn't have to know Spencer long enough to realize just how often she analyzed things. She tended to look too deeply and concoct her own crazy conclusions about the littlest things. Emily knew this better than anyone, and now that they had been dating for about a month and half she realized just how often Spencer second guessed.

Emily would be lying if she said it didn't drive her crazy. To have Spencer so unsure about their own relationship was unnerving for both of them. Emily didn't want Spencer to feel worried or panicked about her feelings and Spencer didn't want Emily to feel forced or obligated to figure them out, but there was always this underlying voice that nagged at the both of them. Emily's spoke words of warning of the fear that Spencer would detach herself from the other girl when Emily wasn't following Spencer at the same pace in their relationship. Spencer's inner voice chided her because of her actions, wracking her with guilt and fear that she was forcing Emily into this relationship. But neither of these voices were true. They both knew that, or at least hoped they were right about that. Spencer seemed perfectly happy with Emily's request to take things slow and let her explore their feelings for each other and Emily seemed perfectly happy with dating Spencer.

But of course, these worries still stressed the both of them out. Luckily, Emily knew how to handle them better. She knew how to push the worry of the future aside and enjoy the now. She wished she could say the same for Spencer. But she was working on it, slowly. It was because of these exact worries that Emily knew Spencer had, that she wasn't going to say a word about Paige's little visit the exact same day Emily and Spencer's relationship began. Spencer didn't _need_ to know what happened. And no, Emily wasn't lying to Spencer, if Spencer asked she would tell her. Just, nothing ever came up. So Emily decided to keep to herself, figuring nothing even happened anyways, so what was there to tell?

Emily thought if Spencer knew Paige had shown up and asked for her back the same day Emily had agreed to be with Spencer, Spencer would second guess Emily's actions even more. Truthfully, Emily didn't want to be with Paige. When Paige left, that was fine with her. Emily cared about Paige and at the time needed Paige, but she wasn't in love with Paige. Emily wanted to see where things would go with Spencer, if she could fall in love again. And as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into almost two months, Emily was pretty sure she already had.

Of course, they hadn't said those words to each other yet. Well, Spencer did that fateful night when she first kissed Emily, but after that Emily kind of figured that she was waiting for the other girl to say it first before she laid her heart out like that again. Emily understood that and she definitely planned to say those three special words soon. She even had it all planned out, and she prided herself at how romantic she was going to make the moment be. She wanted it to be perfect, she didn't just want to blurt it out, and this was something she knew Spencer had been waiting for, something Spencer would cherish, so she wanted to show her girlfriend just how much she cherished her too.

"Hey, Em!" Hanna's shout broke through the crowd, the blondes hands shot out in front of her, pushing and shoving through the people as Spencer followed close behind her. "Great win, huh? You kicked ass!"

Emily smiled politely at the blonde as arms encircled her neck, hands pulling her down for a quick hug. Spencer stood back with a bright smile as she watched Hanna release her girlfriend. Hanna stepped to the side to let Spencer stand beside her and in front of Emily. It was times like these when things between them could get confusing. Spencer was torn between hugging her girlfriend or giving her a simple congratulations, when really all she wanted to do was tug Emily close and award her with a kiss. The only problem with that was that Spencer hadn't exactly told anyone about them yet. Well, except for Hanna. You really can't hide things from Hanna, especially when the blonde resorted to literally following them around every second of the day until one of them snapped and spilled. That one ended up being Spencer. She was still a little mad about the outburst Hanna caused her to have.

Spencer settled with a gentle hand on Emily's shoulder, a shy smile, and a sincere congrats. She would've hugged her girlfriend, in fact she'd rather do that, but she feared a hug may seem too intimate and she never knew when A would be watching. She didn't want A to spill to her parents before she did, which is why she really needed to tell them soon, but she was a little surprised A hadn't already threatened either of them with something. Had A even figured them out yet? Well, either way, Spencer was grateful their relationship was stress free for the time being, and she figured now that they had been together for a little bit, it was about time to tell her family. In fact, Spencer had pretty much made up her mind. She wanted to tell them _now._

"You really did do great, Em," Spencer grinned as they walked through the now dissipating crowd. "We all knew you'd win."

"So, have any plans after this?" Hanna questioned as she walked up beside Spencer.

"Not that I know of," Emily considered, "Do we, Spence?"

"Er, well actually, I was kind of hoping you'd come home with me and-"

"Ohhhhh, you want alone time with Emily, right Spence?" Hanna interrupted, waving her hands enthusiastically as she spoke. "I'm pretty sure I know what _you're_ plans are tonight."

"First off, Hanna, just- Just no. Second, if I had 'plans'," Spencer raised her hands, making air quotes as she sent a death glare the blonde's way. "I wouldn't be telling them to Emily _right in front of you. _And third, I just wanted her to come home with me so I can finally tell my parents about us."

Emily and Hanna both stopped dead in their tracks simultaneously. Both of their eyes grew wide as Spencer stopped a few steps ahead of them and turned back to face them. An uneasy smile was on Spencer's face now as she took in both of their reactions.

"What?" Spencer questioned, a hand on her hip as she waited for one of them to speak. "I just think it's about time we told people about us. I mean, unless you don't want to yet, Em."

"Oh, she does!" Hanna blurted, earning another death glare, this time from Emily.

"Hanna!" Emily groaned.

"Well, it's true. All you've been talking about is how you can't wait to flaunt your girlfriend, who happens to be the hot piece of ass that is _The_ Spencer Hastings around school."

"God, Hanna just shut up," Emily buried her head in her hands as Hanna smirked triumphantly and began to walk on.

"You love me," Hanna chimed as the three of them continued down the hallway.

"So, you're okay with me telling people then?" Spencer questioned as she watched her girlfriend closely, looking for some sort of signs of worry or doubt.

"I'm definitely okay with it, Spencer, but are you sure you want me to be there when you tell your parents?"

"Yeah, I want you there," Spencer nodded as they walked on.

Spencer tried to look as calm and sure about this as she could, but truthfully she was incredibly nervous. She could feel her palms sweat and her hands shake the closer they got to her car, because she knew she was just within minutes of telling her family the truth. She wasn't necessarily afraid of their reaction to her being gay, and she really wasn't too worried about how they'd react once they learn that she's with Emily, but she was worried about how this might change things for her relationship with Emily. She feared that now that they were stepping out of the shadows it might shed light on some realities Emily may have missed before. Maybe Emily would think Spencer wasn't as exciting as she originally thought now that they were putting an end to their sneaking around. Maybe having a real dating life with Spencer, holding hands in the hall, dating on the weekends, kissing as they greeted each other at school, wouldn't be all Emily thought it would be. There were a lot of maybe's running through Spencer's head at the moment, but there still was no doubt about Spencer's desire to be open about who she was with.

Spencer understood Emily's doubts about being there when she broke the news too. Spencer wasn't sure if Emily was just afraid they wouldn't take it well or if she was worried about imposing on what would be considered an important and personal discussion, but Spencer didn't think she could do it without Emily's hand in her own. Spencer was brave, but Emily was confident. Spencer could face this, but that didn't make her less unsure of herself. Emily was Spencer's strength, just having Emily near, bursting with that unshakeable confidence, made Spencer feel like even she could possess that feeling too. That's why she needed her there. To reassure her that the ice she so bravely walked on wasn't going to crack underneath her feet.

"Well, good luck," Hanna encouraged as they reached the parking lot.

"Thanks, Han, and don't worry, I'll tell you all the details on Monday okay?" Spencer gave her a nervous smile as Hanna nodded and began to walk to the opposite side of the parking lot, towards her car.

"So you're really doing this?" Emily questioned as they both watched Hanna slide into her car and pull away.

"Yep, I'm really doing this," Spencer reply with a smile. She took a step closer to her so that they were face to face, Spencer's smile widened as she does something she'd wanted to do the minute Emily agreed to be her girlfriend.

Spencer reaches for Emily, her hand taking the other girl's in her own. Spencer wasn't as hesitant about it as she had thought she would be, but maybe it was the confidence Emily radiated just rubbing off onto her. With Emily's hand in her own, Spencer's thumb stroking over her palm, Spencer chuckles a little at Emily's quizzical turned shocked look when she began to lean in.

Kissing Emily feels more and more amazing with each simple peck. But there's something about finally kissing her in public, claiming what Spencer can finally say is hers, and showing the world that Spencer is Emily's too, that makes the feeling so much more wonderful. Emily's eyes are popping out of her head, but she's not pulling away. Spencer can't help but smile against her lips when the hand that's holding Emily's pulls her forward so she can encircle her arms around Emily and feel her finally giving into the kiss. Emily kisses her back, her eyes finally closing and a smile growing against Spencer's lips.

It was innocent and sweet, but still caused both their hearts to race. Emily's hand was resting on Spencer's cheek as she pulled away briefly, only to place kisses from the corner of Emily's lips up to her cheek. Emily giggled, a sound that Spencer swore each time she heard it that she wanted to continue to hear it for the rest of her life, and held the other girl tightly in her arms. Spencer leaned back just enough to stare at the beautiful girl looking back at her. Emily's hair was still wet from the swim meet, her face free of makeup, she looked slightly worn out from all the effort she put into her victory, and yet she still looked stunningly gorgeous to the other girl.

"What happened to telling your parents first?" Emily teased as she pressed her forehead against Spencer's.

"I've wanted to do that for a _very_ long time and I figured I'm telling them tonight, so what's the worst that could happen if I gave my girlfriend a kiss for doing so well at her swim meet and held her hand as we walked to my car?"

Emily was simply beaming. Her smile was brighter than Spencer had ever seen it as Emily turned from her, their hands intertwined, and practically skipped to Spencer's car.

"Then, I guess there's no harm in giving me another kiss if you tell your parents tonight, right?" Emily suggested with a playful tone.

"Well, I suppose you're right."

And with that they kissed for the second time in public, all of Spencer's nerves about the impending talk seemed to be the last thing on her mind as she yet again felt Emily lending her the confidence she didn't have, the confidence she needed. Suddenly, she wasn't afraid of the change this would bring; she was looking forward to it.

* * *

**Author's Note: Okay, I'm seriously kicking myself for not making this first person POV because I had to stop myself writing this chapter that way about five times. And also I really should apologize for making these chapters so short. Usually my rule is a minimum of about 3,500 words but lately I've been falling short of that. Maybe I'm just getting lazy? Oh well, there will be longer chapters when the drama starts. Which, by the way, shall be soon. **

**Anyways, to all those who read, review, subscribe, and fav, I love you. You're awesome. And if you keep reading and reviewing, I'll love you even more. Seriously. Reviews give me the inspiration I need to write. **


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